Background

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2020.  Her doctor determined, based on his assessment of my mom and our reports, that she was most likely in stage 2:  the middle stage…where things begin to decline fast but time continues to move slow.  Later that year, we bought a house and my parents moved in so I could care for my mom as the disease progressed.  

I began jotting down thoughts, feelings and experiences I was having as a way to process my emotions. At the beginning of the journey, when my mother was very much aware that her memory was failing, our interactions were anywhere from tense to hostile. Every big or small milestone we hit was met with anger, frustration and defiance. At times it was hard to keep a straight face as my mother was never an angry or defiant person. She is sweet and shy and kind. I can remember the only time I heard her swear and she said “shit” in a hushed whisper. My new mom although not liberal with the swear words, was certainly more comfortable using them particularly when I said something she disagreed with…”that’s bullshit!” And to me, it was like when a 4 year old says “that’s bullshit”, so cute and it takes all my willpower to keep a straight face. Once I had to leave the room, run out to my husband and just laugh out loud because she was just so darn cute when she was mad.

But more times than not, it wasn’t funny.  It was frustrating and overwhelming.  I was trying to help and she was fighting me every step of the way.  I thought I was helping by keeping her oriented to our actual place in time but I was finding more and more that the best way to help her was to meet her where she was at…wherever her mind was holding her hostage.  Inevitably, this led me to lie to her.